Why No One Gets Over a Pregnancy Loss or Infant Loss

“I don’t think anyone can get over that loss.”

I read that the other day & it got me thinking. Where does this idea of “getting over” a loss even come from? Why is “getting over” it even the goal? What does “getting over” it even mean?

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There are 2 misconceptions at play under this expectation. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

• that at some point your pregnancy or infant loss should not make you sad

• that if you’re sad, you must also be in pain

Neither of these are true.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The goal of healing from a loss is NOT to never feel sad again. The goal is also not to learn how to tolerate & cope with the pain forever. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The goal is to separate the sadness (grief) from the pain (trauma). Heal the pain & allow the sadness.

(See my post from a few days back about grief vs trauma with loss.) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The goal is to remember with peace. Yes, peace can include tears. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Sadness after miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, infant loss, preemie loss, etc., even years later, is not a sign you’re “stuck” or not “over it”.

But if you find yourself experiencing the sadness with pain - where tears don’t being relief & it feels like the loss is happening over & over - this is trauma. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For more about this, check out episode 128 of Delivering Miracles®.

Ready for more?

If you’re TTC after loss(es) and want to learn how to support your body to have a healthy high-risk pregnancy plus how to make the medical system work for you to reduce the risk of medical errors, check out the Path to Baby program & schedule your call.